Thursday, February 25, 2010

I Survive on the Breath you are Finished With

Lately, I'm like a tanking economy seeking its bottom. Just when I think I'm there, some dead-cat-bounce, like my recent inspired blog posts, will come along and lift me up a bit, delaying my inevitable unraveling and thus delaying my eventual recovery, which can't come soon enough. To combat this, I've decided to speed my undoing by destroying the one thing in my life that's clicking right now: this blog! The question is how to do it. I've tried not posting anything before and it hasn't worked. People still come around to check for new material. No! It will take stronger action than that. Hmm? What if I started posting stuff that I knew really sucked? Yes! But what? What one item could I post that would be so vile and so grotesque that even the closest friend and most loyal reader could never allow herself to come back. What one snipped of bile would leave such an awful stench around here that I could not even stand it myself?

Hmm?

Um, I guess I could post a video of Brad Paisley and John Mayer singing "Come Back to Bed." That might work. I mean, if there's a country music singer on the planet who could pull off the line, "I survive on the breath you are finished with," It's Brad Paisley, right? So long, blog friends!

My two favorite guitarists in the world: Brad Paisley inspires me to play my guitar; John Mayer lets me know that I'm wasting my fucking time by doing so.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

You're going to have to do better than that, my friend. Turns out the song (which I expected to make me break out in hives) isn't half bad, and the pair of white boys performing said song really know how to play their guitars. No, you're going to have to make a gesture so obscene that NO ONE could see it as anything other than a "screw you, don't come back" and act accordingly. You might want to try Wing's "Let 'Em In."

But I really do love your writing, so please don't do it.

UF Mike

Anonymous said...

For your convenience:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUG1boE8SH8

UF Mike

Anonymous said...

yeah; most any Beatles would so it.

carl duewall said...

shit that was me.

Dave Mows Grass said...

Dude, I was just joking! Go posting Wings' songs and you really will run all my readers off. And I don't have very many!

Hey Mike, Carl!

red dirt girl said...

davvvvveeeeeee!
you can't leave me to rot in this hell hole by meself.
though anything by REO Speedwagon would probably stop me short.
i can't tolerate too much gooey sweetness at the moment.

xxx and hugs

Dave Mows Grass said...

Hi mule friend! I'll lay off the gooey sweetness for a while. I've had about enough of it, too!