Monday, March 15, 2010

Natoma Tops List of Unfortunate Cancer Names

OHIO--Speaking to supporters in Strongsville, Ohio today, President Obama told the heart-wrenching story of Ohio cleaning woman and cancer survivor Natoma Canfield who was forced to drop her name insurance coverage due to constantly increasing premiums. "The real tragedy," said Obama, "Is that Natoma isn't even a real cancer. Carcinoma is a real cancer, and Carcy is a great nickname! Melanoma, Melanie, is a lovely name, too. Remember the Gold medal-winning gymnast Marylou Retinoma? Now that's a cancer name! If you ask me, Natoma's getting short shrift!" Democratic
supporters agreed, noting that many Americans of foreign descent also have cancer names. Myeloid-Leukemia is a common Greek name, usually abreviated ML. Mesothelioma is a popular name among Iraqis, particularly those from the Tigris and Euphrates region. Cancer names are so common in Germany that even Prime Minister Angela Merkel Cell has a cancer name. "Americans of all races deserve relief from their carcinogenic names!" shouted Obama over chants of git-r-done and pass-it-now, "We have ridiculed long enough. We have poked fun and we have giggled. Now it's time to act! Now is the time, for the sake of Natoma Canfield and the countless other victims of misguided parents who chose for them unfortunate names, to finally vote on and pass comprehensive name reform legislation!"

5 comments:

carl said...

you really shouldn't let bus stop hobo's advise you on blog material. then again i shouldn't be online at this time of day either.

Dave Mows Grass said...

Carl, this is by far the kindest, most flattering comment I have ever received. I really had to dig deep into my inner hobo to write this and you noticed--I cannot thank you enough!

Anonymous said...

Brilliant, Dave. And timely and important too. I can hardly wait to show it to my sister, Anemia.

UF Mike

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bulletholes said...

"They went in....through the nose"