Saturday, November 07, 2009

DMG Responds to Kayaking Rumors

Springdale, Ar., Nov 09/FirstWire/DMG Gibberish Solutions (NYGE: DMG) responded today to rumors that it is giving up whitewater kayaking in favor of rappelling and other more terrestrial activities. The company insists that, while it hasn't paddled anything bigger than Fisher's Ford since May, it has absolutely no intention of quitting paddling. DMG's Chairman, President, and Chief Executive Officer Dave Renfro said, "We missed the best whitewater day of the year three weeks ago because we had made a previous commitment to demo climbing shoes at Horseshoe Canyon Ranch. We did not buy climbing shoes. Furthermore, the reports that my company attempted to barter it's drysuit for a collection of trinkets and beaded jewelry are categorically false."

DMG Gibberish Solutions is a leading supplier of gibberish for the playground padding, personal floatation, and mulching industries and is listed on the New York Gibberish Exchange.


bulletholes said...

There's a hole in my drysuit.
How you coming on that Aerosol Gibberish Reppelent?

soubriquet said...

Sir: My company recently purchased a "Bumper Bonus Pack" of "Military-Strength Gibberish" from DMG Inc.
I am writing to inform you that unless we recieve full restitution IMMEDIATELY, a lawsuit will ensue.
On unpacking the gibberish, we found full, un-obfuscated sentences, and words in excess of seventeen letters. In field-testing we found random citizens, and inhabitants of shelters for the confused, who claimed to be able to see meaning in the gibberish, and therefore we have no option but to demand punitive damages.

P.S., our deputy vice president attempted abseiling with a pretzel, as urged by you, and fell, breaking multiple limbs.
Perhaps a stale pretzel was required, as opposed to a fresh, hot one? Please advise.

Anonymous said...

You slay me, Dave. You too, Sobriquet.

UF Mike

Dave Mows Grass said...

I have an answer for you, Soub, but not yet. I have to go to the pretzel shop and then to the crags. I must test this brilliant idea!

Hiya, Mike!