Sunday, July 17, 2011

My Manipulative Sister

Actually, I manipulated her, and now I have to eat it. You see, she was happily oblivious to the existence of the Winslow Half Marathon and 5k Run this September 17th, thinking instead of running this 10k race which goes back and forth three times over some bridge going from the mainland out to Galveston Island (Jen is a Houstoner and that's how Houstoners simulate hills, by running back and forth over bridges, you see.). It was me, actually, or I, who informed her of the race knowing she would not be able to resist running 13.1 miles of real-deal hills starting in the highest incorporated town in the State of Arkansas and going up from there. But for me, psychologically at least, it feels much different now that she has taken my bait than it did when I had merely cast it. The dread has become real! To understand why you need to know one more thing about my sister, to wit, she is tighter than bark on a tree. I'm loose with money and can piss away $40 at the drop of a hat on something I don't even want and will throw away in a week. I could pay a $40 entry for some half marathon, not show up for it, and not miss a beat. My sister, on the other hand, wouldn't pay $40 on her own wedding! I was shocked when she and her husband spent more than $40 for the house they live in. They are both math professors so no doubt they did some of that math professor math and determined that renting was costing them $40 rather than saving them money and it drove them so mad they had to buy a house. Anyway,my sister would absolutely die if she payed a $40 entry fee and then wasn't able to make it for some reason. So of course she emails me that she has already registered for $40 and also bought a round-trip plane ticket for about ten times that much, meaning that I am officially running a half marathon 61 days from now. To make it worse, she put a guilt trip on me already that the 10k in Galveston was one of a series of three races in an East Texas bridge running series and that she had run the other two already and wouldn't be able to get the commemorative T-shirt for running all three. Then my sister, who has never in my presence at least uttered a single swear word, admonishes me that I'd better not "puss out" on her. I'll be the first to tell you I'm not the alpha male, Joe Testosterone type--I never have been--but I don't particularly enjoy being called a pussy by my sister. So I guess it's on! My goal: three hours. Jen will probably bitch-slap the thing in about two hours which is perfect because then she can stake out some good seats for us at the Winfest show while I'm still puking down my shirt four miles from the finish line, which truth be told was my motivation for luring her up here in the first place, to have great seats for Winfest!

I can't wait to see my sister!


Jen T said...

Uh-oh, now I know I'm in trouble--being the subject of an entire blog post can't be a good sign.

Though it's difficult, I will respect the spirit of your blog entry and refrain from making factual corrections (or is that corrections to alleged facts?)...

Looking forward to seeing you in September!!

Dave Renfro said...

Um, I took some liberties with the facts, I admit. It is true that I can't wait to see you, it's going to be a blast! And if my run today is any indication, I will be puking down my shirt four miles from the finish line. The heat murdered me! I did "do" 7 1/2 miles but may have walked as much as three of it. By the end, I discovered that I had been walking down some of the hills and not even realized it. One of the downhill stretches was so long that I got winded and had to walk the last third. It was humbling!

See you soon!

Martijn said...

Lots of running in your family, Dave. Not so much in mine... every time I start running I get injured. But... I didn't even know you had a sister. That's marvelous! And so is that upcoming marathon attempt. Imagine me with my imaginary cowbell rooting for you along the track.

carl duewall said...

Buford T. Justice: No Coozy is gonna leave me in no church. Decorating up a whole town, at the cost of forty dollars.

Junior: Right.

Buford T. Justice: I can see her now. Running back up that isle. No she was dancing back up the isle. Knockers bouncing all over joint. [slaps Junior's hand] Let go that wheel. Her ass was wiggling too.

bulletholes said...

You guys are hilarious! Jen, never let the facts get in the way of a good blog post!

soubriquet said...

"Well, I'm a standing on a corner
in Winslow, Arizona
and such a fine sight to see
It's a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed
Ford slowin' down to take a look at me."
I guess you're talking a different Winslow?
Still, the puking line's in the song too "Well I'm running down the road trying to loosen
my load."

Good luck!

red dirt girl said...

Your sister sounds like mine!! I just want to know how you managed to paint yourself into such a corner - running uphill?? Urghhh! How about I just meet ya'll at the Winfest and miss the marathon altogether ???

Have fun and enjoy!

Martijn said...

Every day I see you sitting there in your kayak. It must have done something with my mind for the last week I keep thinking: what if I buy one of those... I live 5 minutes walking (2 by car) from Holland's Big Lake (called the IJsselmeer... miles & miles of water) and a kayak of that size will easily fit my tiny shed. I could go boating! I'm very exited about it. Do you think you can fish from them or are they highly unstable? Not that I can fish, but I can give it a try.

Hey Dave! How's the running going?

red dirt girl said...

Hi Dave!