Thursday, December 30, 2010

I Just Turned 40 an Hour Ago

which puts me in the twilight years of my botched life. Ain't a damn thing changed, though. I've known it was coming. I also knew that the Cossatot River would be running at a sweetheart level today and that my mom would be visiting from Houston and that I would choose, because everything in life is choice, to spend my birthday with her and my wife and son rather than leaving at six in the morning to do the one thing I say I love to do but have proven that I don't love to do because I consistently chose not to do it whenever the rare opportunity arises. I have the heart of a kayaker but life has given me a triple bypass. Actually that's bullshit. I do not have the heart of a kayaker. I do not have the heart of a runner, climber, bicycler, or even a disc golfer. Truth is, and I understand this with greater clarity now, at 40, than I ever have before--the truth is that I have the heart of a man, or a person, let's say, who has never broken a bone or even had a stitch, save the one which closed my gum after having a wisdom tooth pulled. I have the heart of a person so cautious that the most dangerous thing I've done in my life is fail to properly brush my back teeth, and that was more a matter of poor technique than intent; I tried my best to brush every tooth! But forty is here. Forty is the age when you realise who you are, and that who you are is who you are, and that who you are is not going to change. Forty is the age when you are able to examine your past decisions regarding kayaking and from that, accurately project future decisions. For instance, I know with great certainty that I will puss out from at least one trip to the Ocoee next summer. No doubt I'll have some lame excuse like "It's my son's birthday" or "I'm taking my boy camping" as if my son has no mother to take care of him. It's hard, I tell you! It's hard knowing that I could go kayaking tomorrow on the Cossatot and that doing so would not result in me getting divorced and that I reached the decision not to go kayaking very easily. Is it possible that in the deepest depth of my soul, in the part of me which I never explore because I'm afraid of what I might find--is it possible that I'm actually looking forward to the quaint and understated celebration my wife no doubt has planned for me in which by boy hands me the wrapped Andis Ceramic Advanced Hair Clipper #21490 which I've already purchased on ebay along with a card drawn in crayons and a cupcake with one of those candles shaped like a 40? Could that be?

9 comments:

bulletholes said...

Happy birthday Davy! I think you will make one hell of a Cosmetologist!

Dave Mows Grass said...

Thanks, Stevie! I just got done styling my own hair with a #1 blade and it came out pretty good. All of my hair is short! Plus I just played disc golf and ran two miles after eating the Meat-lover's Grand Slam breakfast from Denny's. I almost forgot completely about the Cossatot!

Martijn said...

The following is not a composed piece of thought, but the stumbling trail of hunches. I dread the Turning 40 Day like an execution, not to mention 50, and beyond, but when I look back, I think I hated much much more turning 20 than turning 30. Could this be a Universal Law? Perhaps 40is not all that bad... ?

Anyway, happy BD! And many happy cayakdays to come.

Carl Duewall said...

Indeed you are quite the pendantic pedantic pedejo and I really wouldn't trust you beyond line of sight; but I like you anyway.

Carl Duewall said...

(pendejo)

Dave Mows Grass said...

I like you too, Carl. I probably wouldn't help you move a gun safe at a moment's notice, but I like you!

Thanks, Martijn!

red dirt girl said...

Late as usual .... sorry friend. Happy Happy Birthday and may I officially welcome you to the 40 and over club ???!! Oh what great insights you shall exclaim in this your 4th decade on earth ... who am I kidding? I don't even walk the dog anymore! Sigh. I'll put it on my new year's resolutions list. Ha. I love Denny's and cupcakes! Hope it was a good one.
xxx

soubriquet said...

Cease the whining, old feller.
I can positively report that becoming a grown up does not occur at age forty. I'm maybe a little bit more cautious when it comes to doing stupid things than i was at thirty, but ~I'm not about to become mr sensible just yet...
and that's from fifty seven.
My dad was not fully grown-up in his behaviour when his adolescence was cut off forever at eighty-three.
Keep on doing the stuff that others consider irresponsible, it keeps you alive.

Anonymous said...

Happy Belated Birthday! Loved the post, and I can relate. I need to do more crazy shit in my life, but in truth I opt always to not do the crazy shit, but to read a book instead. Anyway, I hope your birthday was nice. As an over fifty guy, I of course consider you a spring chicken and have absolutely no sympathy for your "I'm forty and over the hill" musings. You're a babe in the woods, Dave. Enjoy! UF Mike