Wednesday, October 27, 2010

GO LERFS!

It's taken some adjustment, but so far my life post-Proust has been going fairly well. I just plow my field, plant whatever vegetable I'm going to grow that day, and harvest it when it's ready. Sure, there's cows to milk and eggs to collect, but that only takes a few minutes. The best thing is that the evenings are all mine! Of course, a person who reads Proust in 290 days is not going to be satisfied by drinking beer and watching hockey every night. That person is going to have to do some pondering, which is what I do. Fortunately, being a small-time farmer provides one with endless material for thought. Like how, if the Toronto Maple Leafs were instead called the Toronto Maple Leaves, then the mind of an aerial viewer seeing a "GO LEAVES!" sign made from hay bales would automatically assign the letter "A" rather than the letter "R" to the ambiguous third character because "leaves" is a familiar word. I usually start the evening pondering that, but, like always, my light and frivolous pondering soon turns to a melancholy brooding that lasts the night. I think of the work it took to make the sign and how unfortunate it is that I can't see it from the air. Most of all, I agonize over the fact that, even though I've been a Leaf's fan long enough that "LEAFS" is a real world to me, I still (in my mind's eye because I've never actually seen my sign) see "GO LERFS!" about half the time. My sleepless agonizing turns to genuine suffering when I realize that the full creative force of my mind cannot produce a single fucking idea how to fix it. About that time, the goddamned rooster crows and my insomniac ass is back in the field. But that is my life, post-Proust!

9 comments:

carl duewall said...

I'm sure they have medication for that too.

Martijn said...

Nothing wrong with lerfs though! Magical post, Dave. Hey... similarly, here's what caused a little stir in my little country:

http://www.refdag.nl/polopoly_fs/anp_13154133_1_491342!image/ANP-13154133.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_804/ANP-13154133.jpg

Religious nuts are supposed to be found on every corner in your country if we can believe the papers, but there are few in mine. But this was one of them. He replaced some of the rooftiles on his barn, thus spelling "Jezus Redt", which means 'Jesus Safes', but while thinking along your lines... if you don't read closely, it looks (with some diabolical fantasy) just like "Jezus Reet"... Jesus Ass. Grea picker-upper. How's the Koran going by the way?

Martijn said...

That link isn't going to work I'm afraid. Let's try that again. It's too damn long.
http://teapacks.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/jezus_redt.jpg?w=468&h=351

Martijn said...

Oh, this is a good one!
http://media.nu.nl/m/m1dz7uoa0dsc.jpg

carl duewall said...

Greetings to Martijn. If you would allow, I might like to be acquainted with you. I noticed that your blogger profile is inaccessible to me. Do you have other web activities? I do believe that Mr. DMG would provide references. Best regards; Carl Duewall, Moody Texas.

Dave Mows Grass said...

Hey, Martijn! I almost never have a camera with my so I miss fantastic photo opportunites all the time. The one I regret the most, though, is the one of the two Israeli girls lifting their shirts and any supporting undergarments up to their necks next to a sign at the border crossing where you pass from Eilat into Egypt. The misspelled sign read "NO SWIMMING NECKED ON THE BEACH." I guess swimming naked is acceptable. We cheered!

Thanks for the link!

Dave Mows Grass said...

Carl, Martijn keeps to himself but his his Montecristo-smoking alter-ego, Tijno Carmabi, can be found combing the beaches here. Martijn and I came to know each other because we have the sameguru.

And Martijn, I can vouch for Carl. He is a misanthrope of the highest order! He seems to have somehow forgiven me for not helping him move a gun safe one day because "I was too tired" when, even after a dozen years, I have not been able to forgive myself. He is a good friend!

Martijn said...

Hey Dave, Carl, thanks both for being interested and the introduction. 'Montecristo' is a very, a VERY good description of my search for an alter-ego. Yes, everyone is welcome to see me at the blog, beachcombing... or call me Martijn (I only need the distance of persona for the writing)... or send mails. Hey hey! Greetings

bulletholes said...

I see "Lerfs" everytime.