Thursday, May 27, 2010

Our Wedding was Beautiful!

Rod White: Ladies and gentlemen, (there were no ladies or gentlemen present) we are gathered here today to celebrate the successful fiance visa petition of petitioner Dave and petitionee Cristina and to execute the change to their marital status required by the terms of that visa in a manner consistent with both federal and Arkansas law. If anyone knows some reason why Dave and Cristina should not be so joined, speak now or forever hold your peace.

(no one else was present)

Rod White: Dave, do you take Cristina as your cohabitating partner, to maintain a relationship with her that displays the attributes recognized by the U.S. Department of Citizenship and Immigration Services as indicators of a bona fide marriage in accordance with the terms of Cristina's visa?

Me: I do!

Rod White: And do you agree to consummate this marriage only in darkness and only in the face-to-face, man-superior position as required by Arkansas statute?

Me: Yeah, whatever.

Rod White: Cristina, do you take Dave as your cohabitating partner, to maintain a relationship with him that displays the attributes recognized by the U.S. Department of Citizenship and Immigration Services as indicators of a bona fide marriage in accordance with the terms of your visa?

Cristina: Huh?

Rod White: Say I do.

Cristina: I do!

Rod White: And do you agree to consummate this marriage only in darkness and only in the face-to-face, man-superior position as required by Arkansas statute?

Cristina: What are you talking about?

Rod White: By the power vested in me by the State of Arkansas, I now pronounce you married for immigration, tax, and all other legal purposes. You may petition for removal of the conditional status on your permanent residency in the 90 days prior to the two-year anniversary of this date. Congratulations!

10 comments:

Dave Mows Grass said...

I took a bit of artistic licenses [sic] here. Of course I was glad to have my friend Carl and his family there as well as my mom who drove all the way from Houston to witness what had to be, from her perspective at least, a heartbreaking disappointment of a ceremony. She also took this wonderful picture. If God was preset at all at our wedding, he was shining a glorious light on the ducks sitting atop the control panel of the plunge EDM machine you see in the back of the chapel.

Cooper Green said...

Warmest congratulations, Dave, and may I extend my sincere good wishes to your newly altered status consummant Cristina. She seems like a lovely, tolerant woman. I have every confidence that you will work hard to improve your 'adequate' scores in the bedroom and shirt areas. Well done!

Dave Mows Grass said...

Thanks, Coop! This was almost eight years ago, though, which is hard to believe. I figure any lady who is willing to get married in a machine shop at the vo-tech is a pretty good catch. Probably the only thing I've ever gotten right!

bulletholes said...

You're going to need to break some laws to get that score up!

Anonymous said...

I've seen some unusual churches in my day, but that one takes the cake. Is that a communion wafer stamping machine in the background?

And what a beautiful service!

UF Mike

carl duewall said...

what was it; about a half a dozen-set of years ago now?

Dave Mows Grass said...

Steve - This is Arkansas, where everyone is doing it but no one will admit to it because recreational anything, between anyone, is forbidden by God!

Thanks, Mike! The EDM mashing is actually used to make the dies that stamp the communion wafers. Putting the big "J" right in the middle of the wafers was a Dave Mows Grass innovation from my undergraduate days at at Northwest Technical Institute School of Metal Removal by the Chip Formation Method.

It's been an ate-set of years ago, come September. I still remember how you waited till the mid-point of Rod's tour to offer that you ran a 60" VTL at Praxair. Rod switched from layman's words to machine shopin' vernacular in an instant. It was funny!

red dirt girl said...

You're such a romantic! I like the old dave as well as the new. Don't fix what ain't broke, I says ....
xxx!

Dave Mows Grass said...

Thanks Mule Friend! And sorry for being such a stranger. It seems I'm about blogged out! I hope all is well.

red dirt girl said...

LOL !!

I don't think we can match the understated elegance of this service. You've outdone us all. I am happy ... and completely understand the depth of your happiness as well, now. To go through Immigration's Big Brother machine and come out the other side still happy and willing .... well, that's perseverance and love.

Pure and simple love.
;P
xxx