Sunday, August 02, 2009

Policy Memo - Paint Schemes

In the past, OPM (Operators Paint Machine) teams have been directed to paint all machines white regardless of the original color. Having one color makes the shop look more uniform and it exposes dirt, which has been a primary driver in our effort to create a cleaner, safer workplace for all of our operators. As we paint more and more machines, though, the tyranny of white has become unbearable. DMG Gibberish Solutions believes that nothing fucks up the feng shui of a busy brainroom faster than a bright white machine surrounded by yellow and black stripes. The safety yellow and black are required by law so the only way to avoid them would be to move our whole operation to Djibouti, an option we are considering. The bright white we can change right now. From now on, OPM teams will paint machines off-white instead of white. Machines already painted white will remain white until they are selected for another OPM event, at which time they will be painted off-white. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

Dave Renfro, CEO

Controlled document. Not for distribution.
DMG-15427

9 comments:

walter wardlow said...

but what about the floor (floors) ?

Dave Mows Grass said...

We've hired a famous retail psychologist to help us choose a floor color and also to design a soothing scent for the shop. He's the guy who came up with the idea of piping a fresh-cut wood scent into the hardware and appliance sections of a well-known home improvement superstore after determining that customers spent an average of 43% longer in the store and spent 28% more per visit when the whole store smelled like fresh wood. We take this shit serious at DMG!

Cooper Green said...

Excellent idea! There's nothing more soothing in heavy machinery than a well-considered ecru.

Oh, and Djibouti has bugs. Lots of them.

bulletholes said...

Black and yellow and White?
Man, i need to clock out now. I''l be back when you get some Seafoam, Lavender and New Taupe machines in.

Anonymous said...

This post is so great in so many ways that I don't even know where to start.

UF Mike

Anonymous said...

This post is so great in so many ways that I don't even know where to start.

UF Mike

Dave Mows Grass said...

Hey Cooper, I've been getting great use from the word "ecru" at work. I haven't actually been speaking the word; I've just been strutting around with an air of arrogant superiority knowing I was the only swinging dick in the whole plant who has ever heard of it. Thanks, Coop!

Hey hey, Stevie Ray! Don't hold your breath waiting for that taupe. I prefer uninformative paint names like they have on those little color cards. I'm thinking of Nantucket Breeze for the stair rails.

Mike, Mike, Mike! Keep talking like that and my operators are going to be so nnundated with new policies they can't keep them all straight. Thanks, pal!

bulletholes said...

Dave, i think there is a carosel of colors yet to be discovered....like Foolsgold Blue...or Polka Dot Green...

red dirt girl said...

ambient lighting?
or ceiling tiles with those speckled, dead fly looking spots on them and gawd awful fluorescent lighting ....you know, the spectrum that turns everything to a pallid green tinge...

concerned citizen
rdg
xxx