Internal Memo to Upper Management - Pricing

As you know, our Re-Thought© line of post-consumer, recycled gibberish has been very popular with an increasingly "green" public, accounting for nearly 40% of sales. We are currently pricing Re-Thought© 50% higher than our standard product even though the cost to produce it is exactly the same. We must aggressively defend this higher margin by allowing no one outside the upper management group and purchasing department to ever find out that our standard product is made of the same 100% post-consumer, recycled material used in Re-Thought©. That means no one! One tiny leak to a family member or a trusted colleague could rout our profits and damage our credibility with our customers forever. No one will buy our gibberish. Let's keep DMG Gibberish Solutions strong by keeping our mouths shut, shall we? Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

Dave Renfro, CEO

Maximum security document. May not be physically or electronically duplicated in any manner. Not for distribution outside the big room.
DMG-45130X

This is what Happiness Looks Like

Does this look any better, Steve? A little parsley?

Policy Memo - CLUBing Intervals

With the challenging economic conditions we are experiencing and the resulting slowdown in business, many of our brains are running slowly or not at all for much of the day. It no longer makes sense to CLUB our brains every day as we have been doing. Until further notice, we will only clean our brains on the days we run them and we will lube them bi-weekly instead of weekly. Brain operators will still fill out their CLUB charts every day. DMG Gibberish Solutions understands that overservicing our machines is wasteful and can be just as damaging as underservicing them. We believe this change to our CLUB policy will maximize brain availability and allow us to better serve our customers. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

Dave Renfro, CEO

Controlled document. Not for distribution.
DMG-12405

Policy Memo - Pronunciation of Fiscal

DMG Gibberish Solutions believes the use of the term "physical year" in place of "fiscal year" has become so widespread and familiar that it no longer causes communication problems. Listeners understand that both terms do indeed refer to the fiscal year. For this reason, DMG Gibberish Solutions will discontinue immediately the stoning and public humiliation of employees who use the wrong term. While acknowedging that modern usage has changed, we still strongly encourage the use of the proper word fiscal when refering to the fiscal year. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

Dave Renfro, CEO

Controlled document. Not for distribution.
DMG-25640

Policy Memo - Standing Around Talking

DMG Gibberish Solutions believes standing around talking is the existential need of every human. Our employees spend as much as a third of their days with people they don't know outside of the office or brainroom. For them to work well together, they need a context and understanding of each other that can only be developed by talking about things not directly related to the work in front of them. For this reason, supervisors and leadpersons are encouraged to keep on walking when they see brain operators standing around talking, particularly if their brains are running. If they return ten minutes later and the same operators are still talking or if their brains have stopped, they should deal with it as they see fit. We need our thinkers to be as productive as possible and they won't be if they are not allowed to be human. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

Dave Renfro, CEO

Controlled document. Not for distribution.
DMG-20645