Wednesday, April 15, 2009

You Are a Production Worker

This is the one, immutable truth that underlies your entire existence. You can no more change this fact about yourself than you can change the length of your penis. Strapping on an associate degree from some dipshit online university will not make you any larger or more potent than you already are, and it will not increase your pleasure. Do not be confused by personal quirks like your natural understanding of difficult mathematical concepts or the fact that you occasionally write well. Stack all your quirks end-to-end and they would not reach one escalator flight in the monster edifice of your production worker being. Put on a collared shirt and go to quality conferences if you like, but understand that you are going to a dude ranch. You are not exploring your personal potential; you are punchin' doggies, because you are about as close to being a statistician or technical writer or "quality professional" as you are to being a fucking cowpoke! The "exploring your potential" lie is ambition fucking with you. Your potential is what it is and you have already reached it. Ask yourself these questions: Can you write well every day? Can you design effective experiments every day? Can you recognize waste and design countermeasures to eliminate it every day? Now ask yourself this: Can you do production work every day? I don't need to tell you the answers. You are a production worker. It is your who, your what, your where, your when, your how, and your why. It is your Five Whys! You are a production worker. Make peace with this fact and you will make peace with yourself. Do it now.


w.w.. said...

marcellus wallace couldn't have said it better!

bulletholes said...

I'm going to build a Rocketship and punch dogies on the moon.
I think I could excell at that.
Good post, davy!

Dave Mows Grass said...

Thanks! Yeah, 2009 is a great year to stop bullshitting yourself.

Martijn said...

You almost started to depress me there Dave. (And it don't take much these days, sometimes all it takes is seeing a happy little kid or reading a good book.) But then you came with "Can you do production work every day?" The answer is 'yes' of course, but in practice the answer is still 'no': I only have to work three days a week. God know why, but this company is paying me enough to bum around the other two. In some crazy moods of optimism it feels like I 'beat the system', but, well, who am I kidding. I'm NOT EVEN a production worker. Hey, do you know the Monty Python Song "Eric the half a bee"? Comes to mind now. Temporal fun. Here:

red dirt mule said...

I'm with you on the year of no bullshit. And I need a job that won't tax my mind.

Any vacancies?


Dave Mows Grass said...

I have a job that doesn't tax my mind and I'm holding on to it as long as I can. I've been the lucky beneficiary of some arcane bump rules which have somehow prevented me from getting laid off. They've cut pretty deep. But yes, I do highly recommend a brainless job! Even after a long day at work, my brain still has the bandwidth available to contemplate and recontemplate every bad decision I've ever made in my life. I like it! Hi Mule Friend!

red dirt mule said...

not to equate production with brainlessness .....
i'm thinking more of zen-like flow.
the point where i don't have to think about what i'm doing - my hands, body whatever - know the job. the 'me' inside of me can float away. and ruminate all day on my bad choices.

that way, when i get home - all my self-recrimination bandwidth has been filled. then, true brainlessness can occur.

sigh ....
hoof in mouth disease strikes again.