Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Toronto Bluesman Freezes Ass Off on Stage

TORONTO (AP)--Torontonians are grieving today over the loss of one of the city's best known and most loved bluesmen of all time. Jeff Healey died while performing at Healey's Roadhouse which was Healey's roadhouse. Witnesses report that Healey took what they thought was just a sitting break following a five-hour, continuous blues romp on his guitar. Bandmembers became worried when he failed to resume playing after more that twenty minutes. "He didn't even get up to pee," said the band's drummer, "he just sat there with his guitar on his lap. When I checked on him, he was ice cold and stiff as a board." A medical team was called and they pronounced Healey dead at the scene. The coroner's report listed "freezing ass off" as the cause of death. An RCMP spokesman said they had no reason to suspect foul play and that "Jeff appears to have just frozen his ass off right there on stage. It's the damnedest thing I've ever seen in my twenty years with the Mounted Police." The owners of Healey's Roadhouse insist that Healey's roadhouse will stay open. "We're even going to replace the furnace," said a spokesman, "Jeff had been complaining about that furnace for years." Healey was 41.

4 comments:

Seth said...

I'm still waiting for the headline: "Gregg Allman Dies During Extended Jam, Band Plays For 20 Minutes Without Notice".

I'm just sayin...

Dave Mows Grass said...

Yeah, it's like Dwain always said, "There's nothing harder than ending a song."

Hey, Seth!

steve said...

Aw, Davy, this is really good in a mediocre sort of way! Its like a whole new Davy, a left brained Davy!

Dave Mows Grass said...

Thanks, Steve. You are slowly coaxing my my left brain out of its neurotic shell. My right brain is still nowhere to be found.