Sunday, April 03, 2011

I'm a Total Fraud

I've been sitting at my computer all weekend devising this elaborate fraud while my friends were enjoying an 80-degree day on the Mulberry. It's very clever, really, creating a blog header showing me wearing lots of kayaking gear and sitting with a kayak next to a flowing stream. Readers who didn't know me might think I knew how to kayak and actually paddled the kayak to that spot, which is nonsense. The truth is you can learn all the jargon you need to become a fake kayaker just by watching kayaking DVDs and joining a local paddling club, just like I did. That and you have to damage your equipment from time to time by dragging it through mud and across rocks. Your friends will expect to see new wear on your kayak whenever they happen to see it strapped to the top of your car in the Walmart parking lot or wherever. But anyway, I've already done that stuff recently. This weekend I just focused on creating a deceptive blog layout. I thought using a background photo of what any Arkansas paddler would instantly recognize as the Cossatot River was a nice touch, especially considering that I've never run it before and probably never will. It's sorry, I know, but that's how I roll!

Speaking of kayaking DVDs, you might like this one from Forge which just came out. I made sure all my kayaking friends knew I bought a copy the exact day it was released!

Those dudes in that video must be crazy. You wouldn't catch me near a river like that!


Anonymous said...

You're a very good fraud! I would have gone for a background pic of the Niagara Falls, or the Victoria Falls, or the Ocean of Tranquility... but your scheme is very plausible and it looks the bizz. Good to see you back! As always very jealous for that Arkansian wild nature,


Dave Renfro said...

Damn, I never thought of kayaking on the moon! But yeah, I'd run it, because I'm a bad-ass kayaker.

Glad you like the new digs, Martijn! This hopeless blog has been due for an update for a while.

Martijn said...

Despite my mistake, you knew I meant the place on the moon that turns out to be called Sea of Tranquility.

Hopelessness is not a crime; as long as it suits you.

bulletholes said...

You are hilarious Davy....hey....forgot to call you this weekend.

Dave Renfro said...

Hey Steve, this would seem a lot funnier to me if it wasn't true. Not counting boatball, I haven't been on a river since New Year's Eve! Give me a shout sometime. I'd have called you but I was busy problem-solving thirty pages of HTML code.

Peace out, G!