Thursday, August 28, 2008

Dave Mows Grass Producion System

All huge multinational corporations have some systematic strategy for eliminating waste from all aspects of their operations. They usually have their own bastardizations of TPM, 5-S, VSM, and other stupid acronyms that Toyota came up with. They put their own name on it and brag about it to their shareholders. At the end of the day, though, they end up doing only an average job of eliminating waste because they are doing the same exact thing that every other huge multinational corporation is doing. But not at Dave Mows Grass.

The Dave Mows Grass Production System really is different. The Dave Mows Grass Production System is like the Carthaginian Solution to waste. The Dave Mows Grass Production System is not satisfied with simply vanquishing waste on the battlefield. Instead, it captures waste and drags it to the square where it puts it on the rack and stretches it till its joints pop. Then it disembowels waste with dull implements and chops its head with an axe. But the Dave Mows Grass Production System does not stop there. It takes waste's wife into waste's own bed and has her until it is bored and it sends her to work with her children in the salt mines. Then it burns waste's city until not a single splinter remains standing. The Dave Mows Grass Production System stands before waste like a Roman general saying, "I hold within the folds of my toga both peace and war. Which should I let drop?" Before waste can answer, it shouts, "I choose war!"

Well, the war starts tonight! Actually tomorrow. Tonight, the Dave Mows Grass Production System is playing boatball at Riverside Park.


bulletholes said...

I been meaning to ask you...
What have you named this boat of yours?
How about "Spartakayak"?
or "Ark of Hannibal"?

Anonymous said...

Yes, that would be correct.
Mowing grass, making clippings ...
that would reduce waist.
I suppose you have a 2-bladed mower so you would have to do a bi-mowed'l analysis of the situation.
Ricky Ricardo described it like this, "Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do!"
Quack, Quack!

Dave Mows Grass said...

Hey Steve! I call it the blue kayak in order to differentiate it from the red kayak I no longer own which my wife thinks I still own. That name also differentiates it from the red kayak that I do own which my wife knows I own because she woke up to go to work one day and found it in the middle of the living room floor. More on that later.

I've never had to pro-duct this much in August. Keep up this pace and I might even reduce waist! Love the bi-mowed'l thing. If you alternate mowing directions, you end up with a bi-mowed'l clippings distribution. Hi Rod!

Anonymous said...

Dave, you've got one hell of a Grass Production System there. My hat's off to you. My sophisticated waste reduction system, which took millions of dollars and thousands of man hours to create, implement, and then troubleshoot, consists entirely of an open window.

UF Mike

Dave Mows Grass said...

Holy crap! Open the window, huh? How did I not think of that! The Dave Mows Grass Production System has just been completely revamped.

Hi Mike!